'How many times in our lives have we...'
Recently, I started a forums post on a difficult subject like this. I thought I could keep from stepping on toes by making sure I placed myself in the same category. And correctly so. But then it was pointed out to me that I was being assuming and condescending. This bothered me because that was not my aim at all. (At least not in that post.) I resolved things easily enough, but I think about it now and again, and have decided to try writing in a format that is all me. We have all played with Live Journal and the like.....
Damn, I did it again.
Blogging is something I never really had a strong urge to do. I like to write. And I did journal for a couple years before my divorce. But that was more therapeutic than anything, and that account no longer exists.
I like to draw stories, and role play. I am a gamer and a dreamer in a world I do not fit in. In my mind it is hard to comprehend why a person would read personal blogs? Stories, role plays, fan fiction, yes. But who would read the diaries of strangers? In the current internet age, there appears to be quite a few that do. I find it one of mankind's many unnerving traits.
I think it bothers me because historically, I have been an unassuming and quiet personality. Shy, even. Though when I said that to a group of friends last year, they did not believe it. People change over the years. I just hadn't realized how much I had. Until in trying so hard not to piss off an online community, I pissed them off even more.
I remember when I first figured out that Middle Child had serious self image and confidence issues. Even depression. He was always the bright and confident golden boy. Come to find out his glory was and is a glorious front. Maybe thats why I don't see it. I am still living in my head, where I am quiet and shy and don't have conviction or commitment to and for the things I say and believe.
And I ramble. I am sure you noticed. Too many voices in my head.
So the class bell has rung and therapy is back in session. We'll start with something simple, like 'What is the purpose of my life...'
12:33 AM January 29, 2015
You can deny angels exist, Convince ourselves they can't be real. But they show up anyway, at strange places and at strange times. They can speak through any character we can imagine. They'll shout through demons if they have to. Daring us, challenging us to fight." ~Sucker Punch, 2011
The real world just doesn’t offer up as easily the carefully designed pleasures, the thrilling challenges, and the powerful social bonding afforded by virtual environments. Reality doesn’t motivate us as effectively. Reality isn’t engineered to maximize our potential. Reality wasn’t designed from the bottom up to make us happy."